Loneliness: Loneliness is the worse adviser when it comes to love and the most successful one. The fact is not that we listen to it, we try to escape from it. There is not escaping from loneliness. Until we don't conquer our fear of being alone, we will never have a healthy relationship with another person. Most relationships are born in this way. At the time it seems a good idea. We fall in love, get to know a new person and do things together. And even when we know that it is not going to work, we still go for it. Subconsciously we are looking for heartbreak.
Social Pressure: Being alone is not easy. Almost everyone is looking for love. Those who are single and many who are already in couples. There is a social stigma tagged to being single, especially for women. Set dates like Valentine's day in which everyone else seems to be in a wonderful relationship don't help to overcome this anxiety. Love is something to celebrate every day, not once a year. The idea that every woman has to find Prince Charming and every man will find a 'Damsel in Distress' to save her, although subsiding, is still the general belief. Not everyone is supposed to be in a relationship and reality shows that, at certain periods in our lives we all are single. Stop listening to society and listen to yourself. Love comes when we don't look for it.
Infatuation: When we become infatuated with another person, we never see them as they are, and we never get to know them. That person becomes an image of our projection. Infatuation leads us to believe that the person we've chosen to fall in love with is perfect; everything we've ever wanted. They are not. No one is. Creating a false image of someone is fatal to a relationship in the sense that we stop listening to them, and not only that, we want them to be what we have projected on them, which in turn leads us to try and change that person. No one has ever been successful in changing a person against their will. Infatuation is not love and fades soon. By then it could be that is already too late and the relationship has already started. Infatuation also contributes to individuals to give the commands of their lives to others. When this happens, they can do with us as they wish, and for as long as we live under the spell, we take anything they throw at us. This is not to be taken lightly, as on many occasions these relationships turn controlling and abusive. Both, abuser and abused signed an unwritten contract from the beginning. Be careful who you give the keys to your heart and to your life.
Lust: Infatuation and lust are close cousins, although different in nature. Lust is not only a purely physical attraction. This is a delicate matter, as it contains a secret element which is very difficult to identify. Some people's sexual energies are completely out of control and yet extremely focused. This is when the sexual energy is very well directed and people function on this energy. Sexual energy is a very powerful magnet. A person who runs on this energy can have anyone at anyone. When it's over you won't know what happened. And it will be over. They never stay for long.
When it comes to physical attraction, the person we are attracted to doesn't necessarily have to be good looking. There is a large amount of 'non-attractive' people according to social standards that are incredibly seductive and magnetic to others. In most cases, not even them know why they are so successful in attracting so many people. The second part to consider about lust is that if sex and physical attraction is all we are driven by, passion ends soon, and once the novelty of the new experience is over, we realise that there are not solid basis to continue. Some people will insist in prolonging the relationship moved by ego, as they might have a very attractive partner. Others by inertia, but in the end, lust only last for as long as the spark of the moment. These relationships last until a more attractive person appears or lust kicks in again, and sometimes all it takes is one drink too many.
Addicted To Falling In Love: The feeling of being in love is probably the most addictive drug to humans. Being in love is however ephemeral in most relationships and falling out of love eventually happens in most cases. There are people who remain in love for the extension of their lives, but these are the ones who had the patience to wait for the right person. When someone functions of the adrenaline of being in love, they will always seek other opportunities to fall in love with someone else. Every experience is different, but as it happens with any other drugs, the effects are temporary. When the separation happens the person who suffers is not the one falling in love with someone else, but the one who has been left behind. Check the facts and check their personal history. If a man or a woman is leaving their partner for you, be ready to be the next one crying over a broken heart.
Intuition: We know it. We just know it, but we keep lying to ourselves. When we meet someone we immediately know whether our intentions are to be with that person for life or only for as long as it lasts; too often, and selfishly until someone else comes along. There is no written rule when it comes to love and not all relationships will last a lifetime, but if this is what you are looking for, you should pause, sit down and listen to your intuition. You already know if this is going to work or not. If you feel lonely, continue feeling lonely little longer. Loneliness will turn into solitude. Intuition will bring you great insights and realisations. Patience will take you closer to true love.
The inability To Say No: This point is serious and a very difficult one to overcome, and leading to the next one. Many people get serious in a relationship, not because they are in love, -being attracted is not being in love- but due to the fact that they are unable to say no. As they see that they other person is interested they allow themselves to be dragged into a relationship and once they're in, they will suffer, sometimes for years before they have the courage to say no and come out of it. This kind of behaviour is common in individuals of a kind nature. They don't want to harm anyone, and they prefer to harm themselves instead. They are also trying to save you subconsciously. Only you can save yourself. To love and being loved shouldn't be a painful experience. Say NO! now, so you can say yes when the person you really want to be with comes along.
Self-esteem: Lacking in self-esteem also leads individual into the arms of the 'wrong' person. This is not a depressive state, but one in which we lack confidence and especially the belief that we deserve love or that we will meet someone who would love us. The 'wrong' person in this case is someone quite right, as they most likely can see who and what we are, but who can also suffer from lack of self-esteem. It would be a good idea that before you decide to start a new relationship, that you engage in activities that will raise your esteem. Falling in love might give you the impression that your self-esteem issues have disappeared. They have not. They are only concealed under a cloud and they will come back as soon as the feeling of being in love subsides. In this situation, we also base our happiness on someone else. When or if this person disappears from your life, the feeling of emptiness will come back with a vengeance.
There is no science when it comes to love and falling in love and it is the most wonderful feeling we can experience in life, but there are ways to understand certain human behaviours in order to know ourselves better and what leads people to falling in love and relationships. No matter what your circumstances are right now, don't be discouraged, if you fall in love with someone, enjoy the ride and learn from the experience. Love can heal everything, and perhaps this time is the right one for you.
In coming blog posts I'll be discussing different topics that can help you to reach that state in which we are ready to begin a 'successful' relationship. If you have any questions regarding this subject or any other that relates to it, send me a message, leave your comments and I'll do my best to address it as soon as possible.
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