To understand and overcome loneliness, it is necessary to understand that everything in life is a paradox. Hence, to remove this feeling, we have to be alone. Let's also remove the drama from the equation. There is no need to become a recluse, a hermit or to go and live alone up in the mountains for the rest of our lives. Your marital status doesn't influence this process either. One can be single, married or in any other kind or relationship. We can share accommodation with others or live alone. It is about learning to be alone and just being. To do this, we do not need anyone else.
It does take courage to face loneliness, but you already have more than enough within. It is only a matter of tapping into it. And you will only see it when you face it. The intention is to become comfortable being alone; to realise that we are enough as we are and that you are your best friend. One of the secrets to a happy life and towards enlightenment is to realise that the best relationship we can ever have is with ourselves. If we don't overcome the fear of being alone, we will never have a healthy relationship with anyone.
It is important that you find time to be completely alone. While loneliness is an uncomfortable feeling, being alone is not a disease. There might be a social stigma attached to it, but there is nothing wrong with it. It is a time we use to nurture and understand ourselves.
This is a process which you should carry out in the way that best serves you. Be flexible and be creative. Feeling is the essential part. Sit for an hour or so alone doing nothing. Remove all distractions from your life during this period. No phones, TV, computers, reading or talking to anyone. You could either sit alone at home or go for a walk, but if you choose to do so, do go to places where you know you are not going to meet anyone and be interrupted. Don't sabotage your growth. Self-sabotage is something people are excellent at. If you have the opportunity, long walks in nature really help.
It is as simple as this; feeling loneliness. That is all it takes. When we feel, we release the energies of what there is inside at the moment. Loneliness like any other feeling we have is an energy trapped in our bodies, and it must be felt if we want to be release it. There are many benefits to feeling. The most important benefit is that for as long as we don't release it, the feeling will remain with us for the rest of our lives. Avoidance does not remove the feeling. It might be uncomfortable for a period, but eventually it brings a sense of relief and inner peace. And it does work.
Whether you are single or in a relationship. The time we spend alone can also be productive. Single people have an advantage over the rest, as they have more time. Use this period to improve yourself in any way you can. This is when being creative and flexible is crucial. Go out alone and engage in activities that require your direct participation.
Going alone to public places might be a strange experience at the beginning, but it does help. Sitting in a public place to drink a coffee alone might seem awkward to many, but the purpose is having coffee. No one else is going to drink that coffee for you, so what do you need the company for? It builds confidence, self-esteem and strengthens a sense of independence.
To meditate is one way to make this process a healthy and positive experience. Meditate every day. Meditation works for everyone. You might feel that it doesn't work for you at the beginning at give up on it, but it does work. The more you do it the more you will get from it. The purpose is to silence the mind. When you silence the mind you will hear all the answers that you need to know at the time.
If you start mediation thinking that it's not going to work, it will not work. If I went to a job interview thinking that I will not get the job, it is very likely that I never get that job. Be patient. One of the reasons why we don't get what we want is because we want transformation to happen immediately. We have to allow time and space for this to happen. Pushing against time creates resistance. It does not bring what we want sooner. It has the opposite effect.
As long as you make sure that you spend a length of period alone in which you can feel, and this could be the time that it takes to walk from your home to the place you have chosen to go, you can meet with as many people as you like, join a course, a meet up group, etc. The possibilities are endless. The longer you spend alone, the greater the reward.
Exercise, do yoga, as it is particularly helpful in this process or do something else that you enjoy. Have fun in the process. If you are not having fun in your life, it's time to sit down and reconsider. Have fun! You owe it to yourself. Take a short holiday if you can afford it. Book a room somewhere in the country side and spend a couple of days with yourself. You might find what you want or you could meet someone special. Invest in yourself.
Clean you body of toxins if you feel like it. Having a healthy body allows a better expression of the soul, but this is something that has to be experienced.
Write a diary of this particular feeling and include any other feeling or realisation you may have. If you follow this process, you will have feelings, realisations, ideas and insights. It is a stage in your life to learn about yourself. Once you are familiar with the process, it is a tool that you have available for the rest of your life. Feeling doesn't end after a month. We feel throughout life.
This process is very helpful after ending a relationship, which is usually the time when one feels more lonely. While finding someone else to fill the space that has been voided, the distractions we bring to our lives have the opposite effect to what we intend. It is a distraction from the self. Loneliness is here to teach us that we are disconnected from ourselves, and it is becoming endemic in a society that encourages all things personal and individual. If you were comfortable being alone, you will never feel lonely when a relationship ends. People come and go. The only one that remains throughout is you. Only you.
Our individual contribution to the world has to be understood from the perspective that no one else can do what you can do. It should not make us feel lonely. Everything in society is aimed a creating separation and individuality. You might have a personal computer. Not to be confused with a loneliness computer.
Do yourself a favour and don't broadcast to the world how lonely you are. When people do this, the only thing the achieve is to reinforce the energy. Instead of releasing it, it does grow. If you want to discuss how you feel, find someone you trust to talk about it. Many people share their feelings on social media. If loneliness is what you express, when or if you receive comments from others, loneliness is what comes back. Remember that there are many out there who will enjoy your pain and suffering. Not everyone is your friend.
Be creative with what you do best, and if you still don't know what this is, find it out in the process. Read 'The Spiritual CV'. It will help you to find the right direction. One can be creative with everything they do. Whether you choose to make a sandwich, write a poem or simply go for a walk, you can be creative. Make your walks an adventure.
Finally, have fun; but I already said that.
The following blog post provides a useful tool to a life changing experience, and new beginnings.
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