For the last two years I heard hundreds of personal stories from as many people posing questions, seeking answers to their existential anguish. During this period very rarely I heard a story told in a positive or self-nurturing way. Perhaps life so far has not given us what we expected, but when we look back, I see in everyone an incredible contribution to society and the self. Expectation is a killer of dreams. How we share who we are with the world is important, as it conveys how we see and portray ourselves.
In our search for an unreachable perfection, we all heard from others, especially relatives, friends and acquaintances that we are not good enough. There's always a voice ready to tell us that our dreams are not possible; that dreams are not real. Personal flaws are pointed out.
The truth is that the human being is too prone to make a flag of every mistake and every defeat. Countries commemorate every year the day of a defeat, making it a landmark of national identity. Individuals are no different in this sense. We tend to relived those days in which we experienced some sort of personal tragedy, as if being human was only a experience of pain and suffering that must be remembered.
There's a need, and a degree of relief in being heard, in sharing our pain and suffering with others, as there is a place and a right time for doing so. There must also be an end to it. By continuing to explain the story of pain we're unintentionally perpetuating the energy that feeds it until we see nothing else, and worse, we feel nothing but pain.
These stories and experiences are repeated over and over in the subconscious becoming the limits of each personal reality. The landscape of the self is surrounded by imaginary walls of gloom and doom that do not allow us to see farther and brighter horizons, the extraordinary universe of possibility that lies beyond our comfortable boundaries. Confined within these walls built through a tendency to listen to others and to the noise of the world, we naturally seek to escape; but it's also true that such escape is directed deeper within, closing down to the wonders of a fulfilling life which is right before us anytime we choose to reach it. In time, we become the the noise of the world and speak to ourselves in the same reproaching voices.
At the same time everyone has wonderful stories to tell; stories that could influence and change the way we think and feel and that could transform what and who we are if revisited more often. There is no logical reason why we should visit the negative more often than the positive. Negative experiences are there to teach us how to overcome adversity. If you're reading these words you made it this far. Whether we learned anything from such experiences or not is always due to a matter of perception. To remember the past may be unavoidable, to let go of those emotions which keep us anchored to negative experiences is not.
The difficulty in changing the way we tell our story lies in the energy contained in such stories and our attachment to them. Our personal identity becomes compromised by the energy of negative experiences that in turn blind us to appreciate different perspectives. If such experiences took place as a child, retelling the story with the same energy only causes to relive childhood and an unconscious acquiescence with the same helplessness we felt during that period. In most cases retelling the story is far from therapeutic, and the same helplessness and insignificance to which we might have been subjected in the past becomes the present experience through invoking such energies.
To love the inner child, one must separate from these feelings of helplessness and inadequacy. What we might have believed and accepted as truth in the past does not necessarily have to be the truth of the present. We have the choice to retell the story with a new energy anytime we wish.
There is a moment in childhood in which everything is possible. As we grow up we separate from this feeling. Through fear we learn imaginary boundaries and limitations that we accept as reality. And it is due to fear that we never dare to challenge them. The truth is that everyone has more positive stories and good moments than bad ones, and yet; we insist in putting ourselves down by speaking to the echoes of what we once heard about ourselves from others.
The importance of everyone's story is in the lessons we learned and the practical experience we gained. The human being is an incredible example of survival, for living is all we want. In order to tell a different story we must also be able to live it through action. Sometimes all it takes is to share with others what we learned in ways that can be applied practically. Knowledge is only powerful when shared and what we give to others we give to ourselves.
There are numerous stories of overcoming adversity, drug addiction, violence or illness. To have been the victim of violence years ago does not make us victims today, as a drug addict that managed to overcome the habit is no longer a drug addict today. What we were once is not what we are today. Every day we have to choice to get rid of one label and become something else, preferably not to be changed for another label. Every day we have the right to become a different person. And above all, we have the right to tell that today we are not who we were yesterday. Some people love to remind us of who and what we were in the past with the only intention to keep us anchored there and thwart all our efforts to evolve.
It is true that a negative story, such been the victim of any kind of abuse in childhood does carry the energy of the action, the impact that it had on the individual and how we perceived it at that age. But it is also true that every experience carries along a different energy. This could be the energy of strength, wisdom or courage that was also experienced at the time and of which most of us seem to be oblivious. Perhaps when retelling a story we could dig deeper and find the energy of courage that allows us to overcome that one episode of abuse, feel it and begin to tell our story with a renewed verve.
What I see in people however, is not the pain and suffering that is transmitted with the message, but incredible talents that might not be pursued as they could. It is through art and creativity that the soul expands and the human being heals. Our stories must be heard and used as example to others that might be going through the same experience. Your negative experience might have only been a long path of painful lessons so you could become a healer and a teacher today.
There's nothing we can do to change the past, but the present can be changed anytime we wish it to, and by changing the present we also have a certain impact on the future. Pay attention to how you describe your story to others, especially to the energy used when is told. It is very common that people find solutions to everyone else's problems, as it is easy to see what the problem might be, as it is true that an observer is not confined by the energy of pain and suffering that might be involved in the situation, making it easier to find the right steps towards a positive resolution.
To be able to see the importance and beauty of our story, we must change the energy that it's used when told. Sometimes in order to change the energy we must take healthier and practical steps, such as diet, exercise or simply by engaging in those pleasant activities that we might take on when we have the time, money, the right mood or we retire. Life is finite. We don't have that much time, a good reason to begin now. Life is now. We can't wait to live it until tomorrow.
How you tell your story is always your choice, and no one else can tell you otherwise. No one but you knows what you have been through or experienced. However, you might have not noticed those positive and powerful energies that were there all along and that you're still waiting for.
What I know from my personal experience is that when looking at the past I could only see a story painted in black and white filled with painful experiences. Today the same story is colourful and filled with love. The details have not changed, the energy did. Attachment to the past and especially to the negative emotions of every episode disappeared from one day to the other. The miracle happened when I stopped trying to change the past and decided to change the energy of the present instead, and so I did. If I could, so could you. You're the leader of your life and you have the right to change your story in ways that when it's told speaks of love.
How you tell your story defines who you are. Everyone is a storyteller. Inspiration is waiting in the heart of your pen; freedom at the tip of your tongue.
Posted by Manel Blanco