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Taking Stock Of Your Last Relationship.



No relationship is a waste of time. Every relationship provides a wonderful space to experience and learn to love again. The kind of love experienced is determined by the type of partner chosen. Experience is necessary for growth, even if in the aftermath one wishes they had never started. Each relationship is a journey of self-discovery and self-realisation. A relationship is a mirror reflecting lights and shadows -love or fear-, showing where one needs to grow. If you loved and were loved, even if ony for a short period, it was a positive experience. Find the hidden treasures from the experience.

As the relationship doesn´t consolidate people tend to overlook the significance and the impact that it had in their lives. When it ends we rarely congratulates ourselves for a job well done. The end of a relationship can be heartbreaking, and it is in most cases.  A break up could be so disheartening that hurt may turn into a haze in which one can´t neither see, nor feel love. In certain cases lasting a lifetime. Not all is lost. Not even when the relationship ends.

When hurt hits home, we tend to overlook the positive aspects of a recent experience. The often inevitable attachment to another person, focusing on the figure of the ´One That Got Away´ might deplete an individual of their vital energy, body coordination and sometimes the will to live. However sad or heartbreaking the experience has been, there are always reasons to celebrate who we are, what has been accomplished, or how we can use it to create a much more fulfilling relationship in the future. 

A period of recovery is necessary when a relationship ends, so as to rest, reflect and truly take care of ourselves. Jumping straight away into another, obfuscates perception, not allowing to reflect upon the recent experience, as well as showing that what they´re looking for is not love, but something else. It´s a desperate attempt to escape forward, not to see; not to feel. It´s not possible to love with a broken heart. 

It´s the ideal time to examine and re-examine the relationship, gathering the positive aspects of what one has brought into it, so as realise how beneficial it was; to see that not all is lost. Instead of looking at what went wrong, let's look at what you did right.

The relationship that just ended would have never been possible without you. Know this fact and own it. The magical moments that you experienced with your lover would have never taken place without you. However difficult it might be to live without it, the elements of magic remain. He or she will never be able to experience neither love, nor the same dynamic without you. This is something that both partners need to know and understand, but what matters now is you.

There's no magic formula in relationships. Every person responds differently. He or she might be looking for you in every other man or woman they meet in the future. This is an important element to have in mind and that will be treated in a future blog post.

No relationship can be equal to another. Nothing of what´s experienced with that one person can be repeated with anyone else. Neither the feeling, nor the multiple situations shared between you and your partner. However, your contribution to it, as well as the ability to recreate similar situations remains with you. That's your power. Don't look down on it, nor dismiss it. These are the aspects that we tend to overlook, but also the ones that one can use to rebuild themselves. 

Don't wait until all is lost.

Throughout the relationship there are moments that only you can make truly special. Pay attention to what you create as you go along. Write the experience down if necessary. It's always a good idea to write a diary. Pay attention to what you say and do, as this is key to what you want. 

It's not easy to describe the feelings and emotions that are created in these situations. Make it simple. As simple as writing 'love'. You may want to expand on the feeling by writing down what happened next: the space where you are, the situation that's been created, the interaction, what your partner says at the time; how they respond to you, the love you're receiving.

Unfortunately, most people tend to overlook or dismiss these important elements, giving special attention to how their partners respond to them instead. Remember that none of this would take place if you weren't or had not been there. 

From separation to love. 

If at the moment you're under the spell of abandonment or rejection, what I'd like to illustrate looks like this. All relationships have their breaking points. Sometimes it seems easier to find a different partner than to work things out. This line of thought is a modern plague. People leave relationships from one day to another. It's possible that people don't have the resources to work things out, find solutions. In most cases running away from relationships is not the answer, as it gets worse. People left their homework undone during school, as they leave it undone in relationships. There's always the illusion that we can do better; but it's only an illusion until we don't meet ourselves and take responsibility for who and what we are.

What you have to look at is those moments in which your participation made a difference, creating a unforgettable sense of togetherness. All relationships are filled with these moments; moments in which separation seems impossible. What you did to create that space cannot be overlooked. You said something that touched their hearts and souls. 

Sometimes it's a simple as a "good morning, beautiful", first thing in the morning. What's the feeling, the expression in their faces and their eyes, what they do next. Look at the smile, and feel what you did with one short sentence. Often we can say I love you without saying those specific words. 

Last summer I was in Holland Park in London with my girlfriend. It was a hot and sunny summer day. As I had ran out of water I was considering to buy a bottle. At the time I had left a community and cash flow was not at its best, although I was not short either. "How can you be thinking of buying water being poor?" she said. I smiled and said: "How can you say I'm poor? I'm with you. I'm the richest man alive." The expression in her face, the look in her eyes, her shinning smile or her body expression is something that only I experienced and will never forget. 

Within seconds we also found a public fountain and refilled the bottle. 

Every experience creates a memory. The energy of the experience remains in the body. That memory remains with her, as it remains with me. It belongs to us, and no one else. Two weeks later I moved to France with enough money in my pocket. What makes a difference in this case is the response to the stimulus. Being called "poor" -a term I don't identify with- could have provoked a negative reaction from me that could have ruined the moment, and perhaps the rest of the day. 

While in a relationship, we can speak with the mind or with the heart. It's  a choice.

Everyone has the ability to transform a negative into a positive. The truth that we accept from others usually becomes our truth when we allow ourselves to believe it. If it's not your truth, don't buy into it. A loving relationship is a bottomless trunk full of magical treasures. Every moment is an opportunity to show the alchemist within. 

What is your contribution?

Whether you're a in a relationship or it just ended, you have created similar situations to the ones described above. Learn how to read what your partner says. Within every conversation anyone can find sentences that are 'highlighted'; expressions that sound and resonate with a different energy. What did you partner told you or is telling you now. It's a matter of listening if a different way. Just listening. Then, to act accordingly.

Your partner is telling you why he or she want to be with you. Perhaps is the way you're treating them, the things you say, what you do. 

If the relationship has ended, revisit the memories of those moments that made a difference, cherish and embrace them. Congratulate yourself for it. Cry your heart out if you have to. Tears are healing. This is a simple exercise, but it requires your attention and energy. 

There is no reason why you can't keep a healthy and flowing energy that connects with that relationship, which in turn helps to reconnect with love; your true essence.

This exercise requires practice. It's possible that you don't get the feeling that you're looking for at the first attempt. Don't give up. Use empowering words, not the ones that reflect rejection or a feeling that you're missing someone. The person that you're missing right now is you. The reason for this is that the feeling and emotion of love, usually associated with another person is projected on the absence of an ex-lover. Write, write and write. This is an exercise to play with. Use your imagination in loving and productive ways. 

Focus on the positive aspects and remember more of them, but don't project your energy on the other person. Concentrate on the feeling and the emotion of love within you. How it made you feel, as you're the creator of such feelings. Embrace the creator in you, and apply it to your daily life. Use the same 'method' to recreate similar moments in whichever emotional state you are now. 

Nothing is lost. Everything is now and here. It's only that you might be giving all your attention to the feeling of loss. The magic, as well as the ability to create more moments like this are still within you. You owe it to your yourself. 

Keeping the energy flowing after the relationship can open the door to multiple realities, but two of them in particular that could make a significant difference. One, it could act as an irresistible magnet causing the return of your lover. The other, to feed the feeling or rejection or abandonment. It's your choice. Never give up on love.

You might also want to read, 'A love spell', as it closely relates to this subject. It's amazing what we can create with words and actions. We're just not paying attention. Bring back to live those moments, remember them as they were, relive them and realise that you're the richest person alive. Nothing is lost. Everything is now and here.