Everyone's story is a story of love. The one described here begins before the birth of my daughter and it never ends. Love is what we naturally are; a love we forget. Before we remember who we are; before we remember love and light, we have to endure and understand fear of love when presented with the unknown. If not, the unknown has its magical ways to let itself known.
I never planned to be a father. In fact I was determined to never being one. The period before her birth was marked by fear of the unknown, doubts regarding how to support a daughter and give her a comfortable life considering personal limitations and the state of the world. Stress increased to unbearable levels. How we faced the situation did not offer any positive solutions.
Somehow I knew I was going to be a good father. I just didn't want to be one. The material and practical aspect of the future however, took over the mind. One is never ready to be a father for the first time. I had no one to compare to, no healthy role model in which I could see a reflection of what I was about to experience. It is an overwhelming amount of responsibility when understood with the mind only. To an open heart, no responsibility is high enough, especially when the matter that provokes the discomfort is the arrival of your own child.
None of the channels used to escape the inevitable reality brought peace. Escapism never worked before, although the illusion while it lasted felt wonderful, however unhealthy it might have been. No one is ready to grow up that fast regardless of their age. The first problem appears the moment we believe we're not ready. We're never ready. It's a matter of getting on with life as it comes without resistance to new experiences, but this is a lesson that often takes too long to understand.
Surrendering to the obvious never entered my mind; therefore, the natural resistance of the ego, combined with the inner call for personal freedom led to chaos and despair.
The lack of a nurturing childhood, -or what I believed at the time my childhood was- made me see family as a false entity, which I neither intended to embrace, nor create. But life constantly offers the opportunity to change perceptions. When the mind is open to change, new information is presented in placid ways. Not being ready to accept the facts, both the mind and the heart closed. Life turned sour throughout.
At the time there was no one who could tell me about the wonders of the birth of a child, love, being a parent or the delights of having and seeing a child growing. Even if there had been anyone to inspire trust and belief in me, I wouldn't have listened to them anyway. The answer to my dilemma was already there in my life experience. Most existential problems we face are never related to not knowing, but to not remembering.
Everything changed the moment I saw my daughter being born, one more proof that the human being creates suffering in the mind and does not want to let it go. Seeing my daughter coming to life brought me the feeling of falling in love and joy. The flow of energy emanating from the chest, overtaking body; leaving behind the bothersome tricks of the mind. The realisation that to that day I had never known love in adulthood. Worries and fear vanished in that instant. The loss of freedom became an eager sense of service, duty and love. From there on, there was love. The eternal connection.
It is no wonder that women want to give birth to a child, as if in a sense of knowing they wanted to reunite with the experience of unconditional love. The child bearer, is the bearer of light.
As a child I had a deep, powerful connection to universal knowledge. It is a part of me that in many ways never left. I remember looking at my elders and wondering what they were doing to themselves regurgitating so much fear. Throughout life, and to this day, such connection was possible through writing. The connection is always there, and it is accessible to anyone. Everyone has their own way to connect. It doesn't necessarily has to be through writing, but one must remember how. Most people, if not all, lose it while growing up getting ready to be functional adults.
It is a common belief that parents can teach their children. It is true that in regards to practicalities parents can use their experience to ease the path of their children. A common belief can also turn into a common mistake or wrong belief. In this case it becomes an absolute truth that cannot be questioned or challenged. Not only my daughter taught me love, she showed me the feeling, and with it, an invaluable lesson impossible to forget. Without feeling one cannot learn to remember the things that matter most.
Every experience, every feeling stores a new memory in the body that helps to interpret future situations. As with the connection to universal source, the feeling of love decreases in time, as we grow into fear. Both, the re-connection to the higher self and the feeling of love become a life quest. Both we seek through others instead of looking within. Someone can remind you and point out the path to enlightenment, but there's no outer source that can bring it back. It is an inner journey of self-discovery.
When parents teach their children, they teach with love, but at the same time they're teaching from parameters that have introduced fear in their lives, therefore influencing the nature of the lessons we teach, so as to adapt to the standards of society. It is no secret that the world lives in fear or that as a consequence of it we experience a current low level of collective consciousness. What's more important to human beings is not taught, as we prioritise minimal survival over the matters of heart and soul.
The world is populated by heartless pirates seeking in far shores the most beautiful treasures we we already hold deep in our hearts. In search of love we ravage, pillage and mutiny.
What we teach our children is short of love and freedom. If all we can teach is how to make it in the world following the standard path, what we teach goes against the true nature of the self, and the deepest desires of the soul. There's no adventure in normality.
This is the crucial moment in which fear enters the child. The natural response of the child is to withdraw within, closing gradually to the world their most precious gifts; the beauty of the soul. It is the birth of the inner child. The same energy that protects inner beauty prevents it from being exposed to the world and the self. In this way, we begin to build our personal prisons.
To my daughter I can only show love and gratitude. My way of giving back to her so she could keep a sense of freedom from the moment of birth was to make sure she understood not to allow anyone to tell her what to do with her life. My first words to her; words that I kept and keep repeating throughout were to let her know that for a while there would be many people telling her what to do, what to say, what to believe, so listen, learn and then do whatever you want to do. From her very first day she had the freedom to not listen to anyone, not even me. In freedom and in love we grow confident, strong and beautiful. This, and much more she is.
But it is not only my daughter who's light. Everyone came to this world with their unique light. Some shine more than others in their personal expressions, but everyone is a being of love and light. If only we could remember this, we would treat each other with the love they deserve; and most importantly, we'd treat ourselves as such.
Posted by Manel Blanco