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The Beauty And Shame Of The Female Body.

There is nothing shameful about the female body. Nothing! Shame is a learned concept, a learned emotion that lives in the psyche and body of the individual and the collective. Shame is also an emotion not felt by those who feel it most. The easiest way to recognise shame is to observe those who shame others. In a society that has heavily based its foundations on religious paradigms, to shame woman or the female body when exposed in all its beauty and splendour seems the most natural and normal approach to take. It's not.

For a large number of women exposing their bodies, not only online, but also in more organic ways is a daily expression. The reasons are varied and each one has an underline purpose. In most cases, if not all, this is a way of life. For these women, judgement, criticism or name calling is part of their daily experience. In fact, being a woman, whether they expose their bodies or not face to be judged, criticised or mindlessly insulted due to the mere fact of having been born female. 

The obsolete and unchallenged morals of society serve as fuel for mass Gaslighting. No one is ever good enough.

Photo Gisela Ravenscroft 

However advanced society might be in many areas, people are not keeping up with the fast 

changes that take place on a daily basis. Religious myths and morals continue deeply ingrained in the collective belief system. Any informed person would know that religion and governments have used the socalled and imposed morality to infer fear in people as a way of controlling the masses, having proved to be extremely effective methods to make people live in fear. It's easy to push the fear button in people, which prevents the personal expansion and development of both, the individual, as well as the collective. 

The shrewdness of these methods are not to be underestimated. Throughout centuries such beliefs acted like a drip in the collective consciousness, what causes individuals first, to reject any truth that doesn't match theirs, and second, to attack behaviours and               PhotoHallie Fletcher
beliefs that differ from their own. Perhaps the 
most harmful repercussion to having been submitted to the same paradigms for centuries is that we have become the patriarch we so detest, while continuing using the same coercive methods with others
The Vatican alone own miles of 'sacred' documents hidden from everyone, which may contain a different truth from those shared with the public. They also hold the same book in which Jesus Christ claims that "the truth shall set you free." The irony! Some of the elements contained in all religious scriptures is misogyny, the shame of women, followed by a set of rules that places a woman as servant to men, as well as how they are not supposed to behave. The message is clear: be obedient; be subservient. 

As a result, we live in a society in which everything is sexualised. Meanwhile sex, nudity, sensuality and the female body is anyone's excuse for shame. Both, women and the female body are undermined. Bodies rejected in public, desired and lusted after in private. The hypocrisy of society expressed in a collective and individual neurosis, as well as the ever increasing polarities, which only serve to divide, and from which every perspective is fiercely defended in order to prove others wrong is an obvious sign that    the human being is   Photo: Miranda Dye                                         not yet ready to listen, nor willing to integrate                                                                         the multiple differences in others, but to impose inflexible views that only serve to defend one's personal comfort zone. Humanity is in desperate need to reconsider beliefs and ways of living that only cause separation, and as a result the suppression of all things human, every quality that makes a person truly humane.

It's about time that the world stops being offended by everything, anything and everyone. 

During the early stages of childhood, it is easy to observe children taking their clothes off for comfort and freedom. As children grow older they learn to cover up their bodies. It is in most famous fairly tale: The Bible. Adam and Eve roam freely naked until the are made aware of the shame of their bodies. Shame is learned from adults. Nudity is natural to children. No one is born in shame. It's learned from others, usually from parents, educators and society in general. 

No one can truly grow in shame, due to is coercive and limiting qualities.

The public exposure and nudity of the female body is met with shame, desire and little celebration. Women sharing images of their bodies publicly, revealing parts or all of it, deal with abuse, name calling, sexual advances, requests for more free images and even threats. Shame and name calling are used particularly to achieve such goals. The true shame is the use of coercion to force someone else to give something for one's own pleasure. 

Shame is the punter paying for the services of a sex worker turning suddenly into a priest and trying to save them from what they view as a morally corrupt life with what in their regretful hearts after the act they see as a redeeming act. This can be understood by the emotional movement that takes place when someone deviates from integrity or what in their heart is morally wrong. Oh the irony! lust making an attempt to turn to love and save the girl once she served the purpose. With this 'redeeming' act, the punter is projecting their guilt and shame on the woman, failing to take responsibility for his emotions. It might be unconscious, but this is what it is.

Don't save the girl! What saves the 'girl' is freedom, and so it is what attracts her. Desire without freedom is obscure and coercive. Both freedom and the response to desire are choices to be made here and now. Anyone can choose freedom anytime they wish.

Shame is the online predator seeking images and videos to satisfy their immediate needs in hiding, while proclaiming their high morals afterwards. The Internet, which offers amazing opportunities is filled with opportunistic predators

Shame is all those high wig men that taking advantage of their social and professional status have been, and will continue being accused of sexual abuse, now crying out witch hunt. Witch hunt was a term created to describe a period in history in which women were killed for practicing medicine or suspected of it. A woman's life has not been worth much throughout history. But even this term has been appropriated by patriarchy, by men who run the show and whom at seeing their predatory behaviour exposed are now asking for the clemency of society. Perhaps these men now got suddenly in touch with their feminine side and don't mind being considered witches. 

These traits, beliefs and behaviours adopted by men can be traced to the sacred
scriptures. By portraying women as weak, feeble and in need of a charmless prince that comes and rescue them, men, following an unconscious belief use violence of any kind against women because this is the status quo. To view women or anyone else as victims does not make them a victim. 

Society accepts different groups as weak or victims under the illusion that if violence or tragedy is employed against others, then other groups might be safe. No one is safe while there is another human being suffering. Accepting the suffering of others as part of normality is a cowardly act that promotes apathy, dissociation and inaction.

We might as well openly declare a law that allows to lock women and the 'weak' in a basement for our own gratification and maybe take them out to show friends and family because they look good next to us. 

                                                                                                   Model: Stormy Overton
                                                                                                              Photo: John Tipps

Women are an oppressed group in society. The female body is under scrutiny from all angles. Now is too thin. Now is too fat. Cleavage or no cleavage ... that is the question! Mainstream media has to answer for the illusory image of perfection in women that after hours and photoshop and filters resembles more comic characters, -however realistic they may appear- than real women. Somehow this form of public exhibit in mainstream magazines are socially acceptable. 

Abuse, body shaming or slut shaming comes equally from both, women or men. A great part of the problem is derived from the women against women debate. In this case, beliefs are rooted in the same source, the narrative of the patriarch. When it comes to women against women, there are other factors: envy, competition or jealousy. If being a woman under the oppression of men was not hard enough, being the subject of bullying and violence by other women makes it seem impossible to find a solution to the problem. However, what most people seem to be missing is that the women who are so fiercely criticised are the  ones to be praised, supported and loved due to their priceless contribution to stop this endemic current of abuse and violence, which is one of the main causes for the underdevelopment of and the involution of human being. If action is not taken to deal with the important matters of the world, we're going to implode in our own misery, chocked by the ignorant opinions of our small egos. 

What the vast majority is missing from these women who seemingly exhibit their bodies in shamelessly is the fact that they are contributing to the liberation of women from the judgmental conscience of the collective mind, claiming the acceptance of the female body as a norm. Shame is not who we are, but what has been done to us; a learned emotion with its damaging consequences and forms of behaviour. 

These women are Precursors -in capital letters-, leaders that open new paths for humanity to find a different, more loving expression; the creators of a more humane reality. Many of these women has been subjected to horrific crimes and sexual abuse from early ages. With the explosion of the #MeToo movement, women have voiced and denounced publicly what everyone already knew. Silence might have been a convenient instrument of survival for centuries, but it's no longer an option if what we want to shape humanity, as what we claim it to be. 

Many of these women use this method of expression as an outlet to deal with horrific sexual abuse that includes kidnapping, rape or sex slavery. It is a deliberate way to come out of the victim stage and becoming survivors. It makes a tremendous difference in someone's recovery from sexual trauma to identify and move through these stages. Thus, they become icons of rebellion against the suppression of women and all things female, symbols of a renewed female identity that refuses to live any longer under the tyranny of patriarchy. This is how the "girl next door" becomes a heroine of our time. It's also a way to tell the word that they are not defeated, to show strength despite everything.

It takes courage to see and appreciate the beauty and good qualities in others. And if and when we don't do so, it's only because we envy what others have. Judgement and the shame of others is a problem of self-esteem, caused by previous shaming and judgment. Often, not even parents can appreciate the amazing qualities of their children. 

In a previous blog post I mentioned that one of the most striking traits I perceived from hundreds of women over thirty years while narrating their stories of sexual abuse, was their courage to share the story and use trauma as an inflection point to reinvent themselves. The courage to tell. The courage to say that the story doesn't end here. The courage to take action and become a participant activist in the freedom of society by exposing the true and cruel nature of the human being thus far. The courage to give themselves what they know no one else can.

While it may seem that these women are seeking attention through sexy bodies, revealing outfits and provocative images, one of the purposes of their deliberate
Model: Hallie Fletcher                                      actions is to pierce through the shame of the Photo: Wolves Photography                             collective. It is only by feeling an emotion that                                                                     someone can heal. As most of the population tend to hide from emotions, the constant public exposure to which the eye is submitted daily plays an important role in this healing process. If action is not taken by individuals, in all periods of history there have been people who took an active part in promoting change by challenging the status quo. History is full on names who sacrificed their comfort, even their lives to bring obsolete parts of tradition down. 

To those who placidly remain passive and complacent with what there is, an on-your-face-approach seems to be the only way to activate a response or a reaction from their conscience and their involvement in the collective. The energy of the world is charging, the female rising, the truth revealing itself while the portrait of society seems more chaotic and decadent. Soon there will be no place to hide. 

Each woman is an universe of her own, therefore each one experiences this journey in a
different way. It is a way of reaffirming themselves, to accept their bodies, flawed or not. Some use it to challenge their own insecurities; insecurities born with the contribution of popular culture, the image of perfection broadcasted by mainstream media and the voice of mindless crowds. It is worth mentioning that many of these women, if not all are not just beautiful. They are incredibly talented too. They are musicians, singers, writers, actresses and directors, designers, athletes, dancers, artists in all fields imaginable, song writers; and that they do the best they can with what they have where they are now like everyone else. They are expressing their individuality like everyone else. And like everyone else, they do have dreams, feelings, emotions and desires to live and happy and fulfilling life. Above all, they are human beings, just       Photo: Callie Mitchell
like you and I. Judge that if you can!                 by Callie Ann Photography

Courage is to lead a deliberate life that matches our inner call for love, happiness and freedom. Anyone living a fulfilling life doesn't have time for judgment, but to appreciate the qualities and accomplishments of others, for it is in the uplifting and enlightenment of others that we find spaces for the true, inner expression of the human being and true connection. What we do to others we do to ourselves. 

The assumption that any woman, showing their body or not is a slut and would freely send nudes or bed a man because of a aroused desire in need of immediate gratification only shows the low state of collective consciousness and the inner child of a society sadly infantilised that still believes that power is submitting others to their forceful will. 

There are many plagues that devaste society and which are accepted as a norm with the complicity of those
Model: Haley Moss
Photo: Constantine's Photos

 who don't dare to raise their voices. Self-gratification is one of them. Self-gratification when immediate might offer an instant pleasure, but it is this constant pleasure that prevents the human being from enjoying a life of intense desire for life itself. In order to obtain what we really want, an individual has to learn to identify the state of lack that remains once the effects of immediate gratification vanish.  

Lack of, or fear of intimacy are other plagues that if explored and developed would eliminate most of the issues pointed out in this blog entry. Fear of intimacy has a terrible effect on the relationship one has with the self, as well as with others, having a especially damaging impact in more intimate relationships. 

Many women are also offered financial rewards in exchange for sexual gratification or nude images. The world is missing the message and so it is most of a population that lives under  the false assumption that everyone has a price. With the proliferation of porn, the amount of depraved sexual fantasies are on the rise. Fantasies that in most cases could only be fulfilled with instruments of false power, such as money, coercion, rape or violence. 

While the circumstances provided by society might condition certain arrangements due to lack of or material need, two consenting adults can agree to an exchange of any nature. Such is the way of the world these days. Being a precursor does not always come with the glamour of Hollywood or Disney's happily ever after. Changing the world comes at a price. Instead of shaming and blaming, many people could look at how to contribute to create a society that serves the needs of all.   Model: Haley Moss
                                                                                              Photograpy: Stephen Beebe

When exposing themselves, women are showing you that being a woman is natural and beautiful, the being a woman is to be celebrated, something to be proud of. They're calling for the love of the collective, eager to inspire change in the individual, so as to create a massive shift in society. They are poking egos and insecurities, making others aware that it is possible to overcome every trauma when the ability to transform is sought after and developed. They are telling you that the world is moving towards a higher consciousness, but that before that happens conscience has to be awoken. Women are showing that it is OK to play, that is fun to be sensual, to be inviting and evasive at once, that not everything is defined by extremes, but by everything that lies in between. The way might be defiant, offensive to some, but is there any other way? Is there anything more offensive than the suppression of a group of people or the violence against women or children? or against any other human being?

These women are exposing themselves raw, vulnerable. They are telling us that the female body is beautiful, not something to be ashamed of. 

It is no one's business what a woman or any individual does with their body. If a woman offers nude images in exchange for money, the conditions are clear: pay for it. Whether someone pays for it or not, it's a choice. Not wanting to pay for nude images, but still wanting to get the product is no different from going to a restaurant and not paying the bill. In both cases it is disrespectful not to do so. Targeting a woman for not complying with one's cheap desires is a form of bullying, and so it is to shame her. What we do to others, we do to ourselves. Exposing her body is a choice and so it is to sell her nudity. 

Most people prostitute themselves in a 9 to 5 job against their will, finding all sort of excuses to somehow validate the system to convince themselves that this is somehow acceptable because it is the way of the world. We call this: honest work. We are better than this.

If anyone wants to see something else, an opportunistic loophole perhaps to get a quick fix by either satisfying an immediate need or by abusing or shaming others, it might be time to look in the mirror and remember the humiliations of the past, the sadness for the loss of innocence and how it happened. 

When looking at a female body and seeing shame, what one is actually experiencing is an internal movement through which shame is felt, an internalised emotion coming out. It is the shaking off of their conscience. Emotions must be felt in one way or another in order to heal. With healing, conscience is 

Photo: Miranda Dye            also woken up and developed. It is then when one feels a                                                     strong sense of responsibility towards others. Shaming women is the projection of shame onto others and a complete lack of responsibility for our emotions. 

The fact that there are portraits of women on this blog post doesn't mean that they have been subjected to any kind of abuse. They might have. The might not. What I know is that I had the opportunity to get to know most of them and they are wonderful people with amazing talents and an incredible courage to find their place in the world. Courage is also a choice; as it is love.

Related articles: 

The social acceptance of rape culture: Blaming the victim.

The Social Acceptance Of Rape Culture: Blaming The Victim.

Rape culture is always cause of controversy regardless of the approach taken. As the world has reached a state in which truth is coming out and over-flooding the emotional system of the collective,  silence is no longer acceptable, nor is abuse of any kind. First, the term used to name a person subjected to sexual abuse. There is a strong movement suggesting that the term used should be survivor, not victim. It is important how we view ourselves and what terms and words we employ to describe ourselves and others, therefore, survivor carries a meaningful and powerful intention to overcome trauma. In the case, the word victim can be used from the understanding that anyone subjected to sexual abuse has been the victim of a crime. 

How we view ourselves, as well as the terms and names we use to describe who we are can either be empowering or weakening. 

The subject is wide and there are numerous aspects to consider. Today's topic is the approach taken to defend the further abuse to what victims or survivors who decide to report are subjected with the acquiescence of the legal system, but also with that of the general population. To illustrate this I'd like to mention briefly a case that is currently in court in Spain, but there are multiple examples that will also be cited. Over a year ago, a 18 years old girl was the victim of an alleged gang raped by five men during a popular festivity in Pamplona. It must be mentioned that one of the members of the gang was a member of the Guardia Civil -police- and another, a member of the  Spanish army. These are two characters that were trusted with the defense of people and the country. To call any of these individuals men or people would be an overstatement.

Their line of defense took them to hire a private detective to follow the survivor to demonstrate that she has been leading a 'normal' life. The fact that court accepted such report as 'evidence' is despicable and reason for popular outrage. However, there are many other people who still question her integrity and arguing that she continued with a normal life, which according to the defendants is proof that she agreed to it. It does not take much to reach for a popular banality to condemn others. Courts are filled with anonymous cases in which women, and in lesser number men are subjected to equal pantomimes question every detail of their lives, habits, especially their sexual life, which is nothing, but character assassination. It doesn't take much thought to repeat what someone heard from the unconscious popular voice, if any at all.

In this case, this woman continued with her life as a survivor, not as a victim. In most cases of trauma caused by any kind of abuse, people encapsulate the emotions attached to a particular situation being perfectly capable of leading a normal life. These emotions may might appear at a later stage -PTSD- when facing a situation, which even if they're not similar evoke the energy of the incident that caused the trauma, provoking setbacks and emotional reactions that manifest in a different ways depending on the person. 

Encapsulating emotions attached to any trauma can be explained by dissociation, so yes, someone can continue living a normal life. Life is not what happens to us, but who and what we choose to be.

Rape carries a strong element of shame for both men and women. It is, in fact, the shame of men, as well as the shame of patriarchal society. Blaming someone for having been the victim of such crimes is a way of diffusing the shame involved in such despicable acts. People would do anything to avoid negative feelings and emotions, especially those that relate to rape culture, exhibiting their level of emotional maturity or social responsibility. The lack of empathy in these cases mirrors the encapsulation of strong emotions. 

What is done to someone is done to everyone. Humanity cannot longer hide the head in the sand because "it's not happening to me."

Shame is what is done to us. The feeling of shame that arouses in a third person is due to the emotional and energetic connection with others, the fear involved in such violent act, the realisation of who powerless we are to stop a problem, which is now obvious that it is endemic. The shame of one is the shame of all, and for as long as the world is dedicated to point out what a girl wears or in which state of drunkenness she was, shame will prevail in all of us. 

Blaming others only serves to increase the sensation of shame in the accuser, not the other way around.

Victims may live in shame for what has been done to them, as well as bearing the pressure of the social stigma that rape carries, which in turn prevents many women from reporting such incidents, knowing that as soon as it is open to public opinion, they will be mindlessly judged. In the case of men, there are not many bragging about their raping activities, not only because it is a criminal act that carries a prison sentence, but one that portraits their low character. 

It has to be considered that many women have been subjected to sexual abuse as children, in most cases by figures of authority. When the perpetrator is a figure of authority, they employ charm, gifts, lies, threats and fear to guarantee the silence of the victim. The fact that it might be a repetitive act leads many people to assume that the girl or woman must have obtained some pleasure from it. It is easy to assume so when one has not suffered the experience. Whether the victim is a child or an adult, the psychological pressure, as well as the shame involved could make many sufferers to remain silent for years if not for life.

Patriarchy has trained women to live in silence or else. 

Needless to say that men who suffered the same fate are affected in the same way, with the aggravation that in many cases the perpetrator is male, what may lead victims to question their sexual proclivity. At this point it is necessary to mention, that rape or sexual abuse is not worse for men than it is for women. Patriarchy would like everyone to believe so. Every trauma however small may be considered by others can have serious consequences in the development of a person. One has to experience the trauma to know what if feels like. No one should be ashamed  of a trauma that might be viewed as minor. It is counter-productive to talk ourselves down by comparing a trauma that might not seem significant with another that involves more serious consequences. 

Many men are also unable to deal with the shame of rape culture when they learn that a woman has been subjected to any kind of sexual abuse. It allegedly diminishes the male ego, which is then incapable of protecting a woman. The woman becomes 'damaged'. At this point, the individual shows whether he is a man or still a boy. A man can hold a nurturing and loving space in which a woman feels safe without histrionics or heroics. A nurturing space where she can express herself. A boy will either run away, shame the victim or worse, further abuse that person. The danger of being tagged with the victim status is that many people, both men and women understand it as a license to add to it with more abusive behaviour. This is when the terms victim or survivor make an incredible difference.

The force of patriarchy is oppressive, and while there might be many people that do not feel identified with it, the inertia of its powerful energy affects everyone. In recent years, patriarchy is exhibiting its shameless face, having reached a point in which it cannot longer be denied. 

Women who dressed in what some people consider sexy clothing, revealing their bodies do so because they want to feel good about themselves, because they feel beautiful and comfortable in such outfits. They are not "asking for it."

Rape culture goes deeper, reaching the dark chambers and interiors of many families. The figure of the patriarch has imposed his will as the head of the family, sometimes taking the role of the abuser. Sexual abuse within families has the connivance of women that until recently made of silence their virtue. Many mothers and family members have turned a blind eye to the sexual abuse of their daughters or family members. It's not an occurrence of the past, it continues happening today.

Not only this, they would blame the victims or simply deny that any mistreatment occurred. It is not surprising that women also blame other women for having endured such despicable acts. They have been absorbed by patriarchy embracing silence as the way to survive, denying the shame that touches all. This silence has been already broken. To change this reality requires the active involvement of everyone. If anyone can change the ways of the world, this is everyone of us. The sooner we realise that no one is coming to save us, the sooner we will begin to take responsibility making no excuses for the perpetrators. 

The #MeToo movement has removed the foundations of patriarchy exposing a problem that is endemic in every institution created by man. It is has also created the perfect opportunity for women to express themselves safely,  How we use this opportunity and whether we listen to the outcry or not determines who we are. It is up to every individual to take responsibility for the spaces we create and the energy that we bring into it.

Finally, having spoken to hundreds of women who have been subjected to rape or sexual abuse, in many cases within relationships, the choice in terms to describe them is somehow irrelevant. What remains is the amount of courage they showed me; not to survive, but to live and thrive. With courage one can forgive and overcome everything that happened to them. To blame them for what they had to endure is in itself shameful, but it is not their shame. Once again, shame is what is done to us. Take as long as you need to understand this. 

When creating a safe space in which people can safely express themselves and talk about their traumas the synergy created uplifts the person, making any terms or tags useless. What happened to love, kindness, compassion or empathy? What happened to our humanity? 

To blame the abused is to trivialise rape culture, and that makes the blamer part of the problem. 

Related articles:

The divine masculine: embracing masculinity. 

All men are the same

The book 'Reuniting with the Twin Flame' is now available on Amazon.

For soul readings visit this other page.

More on twin flames: 'Twin Flames: A Love Affair.'

Me Too: The Outcry Against Patriarchy's Rape Culture.

It has not taken too long for the 'Me too' movement to follow the Harvey Weinstein sexual abuse allegations that recently hit Hollywood, creating a wide outcry against society's permissiveness and encouragement of sexual harassment and rape culture. The choice of a popular figure can be misleading, as it focuses the attention on the powerful, somehow diffusing it from the rest of social strata. Neither sexual harassment, nor rape culture has social status. With this movement there is a pronounced division of genders: male perpetrators, female victims or survivors. We do this together, or not at all.

Sexual abuse affects both, women and in lesser numbers, men. An act of aggression against any human being should not be divided by gender, but until society does not educate children to be just that; human beings, we will continue coexisting as male and female obsessed with our differences. Both, modern men and women are products of patriarchal society, a system that is equally damaging to either, even though the consequences affect both groups in different ways.

The movement 'Me too' intends to create awareness over the widespread habit of sexual harassment, sexual abuse and rape culture that targets women alone. At a simple look at social media, anyone can perceive that this is an issue that affects most women. Throughout history there have been numerous movements to create awareness and denounce numerous social issues, but if one thing has been missing from each, is the consistency to carry out a long term campaign that reaches the establishment. Social movements often wane down when a slight concession is made with promises of substantial changes that do not come.

There is an immediate and long due need to create change, and while there is little hope that governments or law makers do implement the appropriate amendments that positively influence people, the problem has to be recognised, and practical and spiritual solutions promoted and implemented. 

Unfortunately, with this movement, and as Jackson Katz puts it: all the focus has been placed on women. Nothing is being said about men sexually abusing and raping. In Katz's words, which can be found on bellow, there is even a carefully crafted language that it is used to make it "a bad thing that happens to women." It must be a "pre-existing condition."

All answers to humanity's problems lie in people, reason for which governments, media, banks and politicians instigate division in order to control the masses. It requires that people come out of this stage of emotional numbness in which people manage to survive, but hardly live fully. Humanity cannot longer trust traditional leaders. They're now running a popularity contest, yet, their decisions remain unpopular while many people play the division game over what party is going to win. The evolution of humanity goes through small communities, groups and personal or small initiatives that contribute to make this world a better place. Certainly the solution of rape culture and the submission of women requires the disappearance of patriarchy through education. In the blog post 'All men are the same' I already offered a first step for men to pause and reflect on this global problem. It's not the final solution, but it is a step closer. Answers must be collective. 

Patriarchy is emasculating men. Made up expressions such as "boys don't cry", "man up", "be a man" or "toughen up" act like energetic life sentences that condemn men to live unemotional lives. Removing emotion everything and everyone becomes superficial failing to see the depth, the heart, the feelings and hurt in others treating them as such. Thus a man becomes disembodied, disconnected from his true self, feeling through his penis. Lack of emotion serves to objectify women in order to satisfy sexual urges at any cost, never considering the consequences. Sexual energy becomes unbalanced, destructive. Sexual energy when channelled adequately is creative and an incredible source of abundance. Rape culture is real, widespread, condoned by the elites and affects everyone. It is the shame of men. No wonder we don't take steps to change this naturalised, as it does involve emotions that men do not want to deal with. The answer is in the Divine Masculine. It is time we educate ourselves and each other.

The 'me too' movement is bound to vanish like many other initiatives at the first sight of mass tragedy, being this natural or not, but it has found a collective voice that in my opinion should continue speaking out. So far, rape and sexual harassment or abuse has been traditionally understood as something that happens to women individually in most cases, it doesn't have the repercussion of a mass tragedy. #Metoo has changed this. There is a major outcry for anyone who wants to look with their heart to take note and begin to take steps to change it. 

Of course, this movement has been met with the unconscious responses from many men arguing that it happens to men, that men are also abused, that men also suffer due to the mistreatment of women and so on. While this is true, it is not the time, as it sounds and it is an excuse to keep validating the abuse. In order to understand others, one has to listen to them. This attitude, which in any other context is kept by both men and women does not help to create a healthy dialogue. One cannot answer to someone else if first we do no understand the question, nor the emotion that lies behind, which is often the reason to reject the question. 

Listening with all senses allows anyone that this is not a witch hunt, but an invitation to create much needed change.

Any kind of abuse affects that person who suffered it and everyone in their lives. It does also affect in personal relationships, as intimacy is damaged, often lost. The energy left by sexual abuse might stay with a victim/survivor a lifetime interfering in their relationships, and not only them, but their partners.The loss of intimacy, which affects both, men and women is one of the major cause of failed relationships. Intimacy is a far too deep and wide subject to deal with in just one blog post. New material will be published in the following weeks. Regaining intimacy could solve most of the problems in this world. This is when 'me first' becomes important, when we listen to ourselves, to our bodies, to sensual and sexual stimuli responding with openness in order to produce healthy responses. For now, let's allow the expression of this outcry, listening respectfully and in silence. It is a change of attitude that is needed, which requires pause, reflection and practical answers followed by action. And love, it does need love. Plenty of it!


I'd like to hear from both men and women who'd like to take practical steps to create initiatives that provide answers to these issues. If this is your case, do contact me on 

It's possible to find healthy solutions. Everything is possible. 

To follow this blog and be notified of future blog posts on intimacy and relationships follow this link: Intimacy and relationships

Photo: Amy Weeks

Reuniting With The Twin Flame: The One That Got Away. (UPDATE)

The e-book, as well as the hard copy of 'Reuniting with the Twin Flame' is now available on Amazon.

There are numerous elements in a twin flame relationship that make the experience a special connection much sought after in recent years. The search of the twin flame is not only a personal awakening, but the reconnection with an instinctual memory worth seeking and experiencing. The connection with the twin flame is the reflection of a book of love in which one can see, feel and understand the other person, and through them, as well as through a shared experience understand the self. It is a fertile ground, a period of magic.

Over the past three years after the publication of several articles on this subject, there has been an overwhelming demand on unresolved issues on twin flames that are met in this book: ‘Reuniting with the twin flame’. It has been written with the intention to offer guidance, as well as to answer the large number of questions received during this period, also offering a flexible approach that can be applied to everyone’s reality. Inner guidance is also recommended in this book and how one might find it and/or follow it.

The text is encouraging of everyone’s quest of love, opening doors and new possibilities within relationships with the purpose to overcome the obstacles presented during the twin flame connection.

While it is a relationship characterised by intensity; it is raw and often overwhelming due to the deep connection and a sense of knowing between two people, it is also a fresh, creative space for limitless possibilities. One might feel exposed, but also beautiful, supported and loved. It is the return of forgotten memories and dreams.

It is also a time for deep feelings and emotions. How to navigate through the heart during this period is essential in order to grow, both personally and as a couple. The relationship is an adventure in itself, fear and demons do turn up to make themselves heard for one last time. However, the dynamic of the relationship is more festive than chaotic, more loving than antagonising. In time, people do realise that fears and demons are not as scary as they used to be, that being in love is a much more powerful force than the alternative.

The figure of the twin flame is explored in depth, as well as an account of the reasons why the twin flame appears in someone’s life, but also why they might choose to move on. Neither the longevity of the relationship, nor the end of it are predetermined. Everything can be changed and transformed with love.

There is also a study of deeper psychological and emotional issues that may affect this relationship or any other, as well as the relationship that one has with themselves, and how through understanding and awareness, the relationship can help to heal old wounds, bringing new light to love.

There is love and magic in the air. A quality that everyone can recognise. Twin flames are respected and admired throughout by others, as it is a powerful union that displays an extraordinary energy that touches everyone. As this energy is highly recognisable, as well as the deep, strong connection, it prevents interference from others. The twin flame relationship is often ground breaking. The complicity and merging of energies in both people combined characterised by fearless intention. Everything is possible during this relationship. Every moment creates a spark. Every interaction serves for inspiration. Conversations are deep and eloquent in actions. However challenging it may seem, making an effort to create a better self, and a new life by engaging in continuous inner work eventually pays off.

This book also explores and encourages how to strengthen the relationship with the self in order to create a solid and lasting relationship of a couple. The relationship between twin flames is not only intensity, emotions and deep connection. There is much more to it. It is rhythm and dynamism. A constant dance between two people in love. Both are perfect for each other, intimate accomplices in an adventure planted with limitless possibilities to reach a state of being that transcends their humanity. Such possibility is also intrinsic in the human being. Life is a series of choices, which, when answered with integrity, truth and authenticity opens channels to abundance. Abundance of everything and for all. Everyone is gifted with the necessary attributes that allow constant expansion. Everyone is a leader. Twin flames meet to teach each other love and self-love, and through such powerful vehicle to become aware of and practice their leadership. Then, all types of love can have the same effect. Why we continue taking love for granted is a story written in this book, and a question that everyone should ask themselves. To love and be loved is a privilege, not a birth right to be taken for granted. Truth can only be spoken with love. 

Wings Of Desire.

'When the fall comes again'

I am mending the house
Where your absence hurts.
Removing from the windows
Stained memories that blind.
I opened the front door
In case you remember
And decide to come by.
But it is the burglar instead
The one lurking a heart.

I remember the swallows
The river, the bike rides.
I remember the walks,
The rain of the fall
The sound of your name.
I forgot I didn’t know you.
I forgot to forget.

I will follow the swallows
When the fall comes again.
In their wings the desire
and the rhythms of freedom.

Men And Common Decency Towards Women.

I believe that common decency towards women in men should be standard. It's not. From a woman's perspective, it's not a behaviour that has to be rewarded or praised. Common decency goes both ways. No man embracing this way of living expects anything than the same treatment from women. In fact, it is a practice to apply to anyone, both men, women and children. Sadly, it's not the case. 

The world in desperate need of a reform in education that teaches people how to grow being a person, to understand that being either a woman or a man is merely a biological factor. An education that eradicates all clich├ęs on gender, so widespread and so damaging to all. 

There is, however, a wave of blame and condemnation towards disrespectful men. It is an immediate reaction to intentional and mindless mistreatment, which is somehow excused according to a group of men's misogynistic Bible, then, often reported by women to the world on social media. It is understandable, and perhaps necessary, so as to spread awareness and critique on one of the current issues that is halting the development of humanity, as well as causing at times an irreparable damage in the relationships between men and women. 

Every action causes a reaction.

What many men do not seem to understand is that the actions of one reflects on every other man, or that the woman who has been gone through a negative experience will be conditioned to expect the same behaviour from other men, thus affecting their personal relationships perhaps for as long as a lifetime. The actions of one man can either create a positive or negative energy. The world we live in can only be transformed by the energy we create. This applies to women too. It's not only the responsibility of men to create a better world. 

Somehow we are expecting others to come and safe the day, change the world. Apathy won't give us the world we need, but the world we accept.

The response to common decency.

No one should be expected to be praised for their common decency. Reciprocal behaviour should be enough, and this is also widely understood. However, seeing the state of the world, it wouldn't go amiss to let the world know that there are wonderful men out there doing their best with their actions and behaviour to create a different reality that suits the needs of everyone regardless of gender. Most days, and in most cases, these men remain invisible. The one to get the attention is the bad boy. Let's look at this example. A woman works in a coffee shop. Throughout the day she might serve two hundred men. All except for one would treat them politely and with respect. In this case, it is the man misbehaving the one to get the attention and whose actions would reach all corners of the world in the form of a complaint. Following an emotional reaction renders all the other men invisible, misrepresenting the rest of the whole gender. 

Social media.

Social media is an incredible platform to contribute to create a better world through awareness, sharing emotive and positive stories, different practices that might help others to improve their well-being and as result an immediate present. No matter how often this fact is repeated, the Internet is full of images of cats, meals, complaints, threats or acts of defiance, as in, if you do this, beware of my reaction. Social media could contribute to raise consciousness, as well as to improve the levels of conscience so needed in the world. There are wonderful messages to project into the world, articles, blog posts, videos or personal views and messages. 

Social media as a platform to raise consciousness.

The energy we create. 

While it can't be argued that bad behaviour should not be denounced, the common trend to report every single negative interaction between men and women is only contributing to create further neurosis in a world already neurotic enough. At the same time no one can ask that every sign of kindness, love or respect to be shared on social media. But there is no balance. Giving too much attention to the negative continues creating the image that every man on earth follows the same book. Misrepresenting a whole gender is not the answer either. Women distrust men even before they've been faced with a negative experience. At the same time, men respond to this energy in negative ways, from the belief that he's already guilty until proven innocent. There will never be a positive outcome if the energy that the world continues producing is permanently focused on the negative. 

What women want.

The same energy that is used to report bad behaviour could be used to express a woman's desires and wants. Not all men have the same perception, education or level of consciousness. Many people, both, men and women do not know of, or believe that there might be a better reality out there, that different actions and types of behaviour would bring them what they want. It is as simple as letting men know what women want and why. However, the current reality might be loaded with a misrepresentation of what a woman wants in the eyes of men, with a heavy dose of irony, as there is still a large number of women who still choose to fall in the arms of the bad boy. Yes, the irony, that leads to negative experiences and further complaints. A large number of men change their ways, from behaving respectfully to behaving badly because they see that common decency and good ways are not truly appreciated, as well as seeing women they like constantly falling for the man so heavily criticised. While it is clear that the human being is the most irrational of all, it might be time to speak of a criteria that one can also follow. 

Looking down on common decency.

Having clarified that praise should not be the standard answer, one should not be looking down on it either, or not to show appreciation. This is also common decency. Until humanity reaches the point that this type of behaviour is golden, as well as silent, and so it should be understood. Many men following this path feel invisible and unappreciated, not because they are not rewarded for their behaviour, but due to the fact that the image that is created of all men is negative, as well as misrepresented. Invisibility is an energy like everything else. He who feels invisible will be invisible to the world. The consequences of this, reach far deeper than what one may think. It leads to frustrating experiences and emotions that might be repressed for a while, even for long periods, but which eventually can only explode. Invisible is also a time bomb. 

Moreover, if what one wants is not appreciated, they might never find it or even lose it. One cannot expect to find it again what they let it go assuming that this should be the standard. It is not. Gratitude is a wonderful energy filled with amazing rewards. A plant that is not watered would eventually die. In this case, common decency is a plant bound to die. We can't have what we don't appreciate. 

Men and behaviour. 

There is a need to establish a new dialogue that creates safe spaces to create and consolidate relationships between and women. Everyone already knows what men are capable of, however, not every man represents a threat to women, nor every man is a rapist. Men have been pushed into a corner where we have to defend ourselves for the fact of having been born male. 

Education, awareness and collective consciousness.

A better reality is possible through education and awareness. Those in charge of education won't move a finger to change the educational system because it's not convenient to them. There is a large number of memes, blog posts and articles on the spiritual warrior, which is turning into an online projection of personal image with an air of the mysticism, but which lacks commitment with more serious issues such as education, politics or simply creating awareness that leads to a more widespread idea of consciences, and which, in turn contributes to raise consciousness. Consciousness cannot be raised if before there's not a change in conscience. It is everyone's responsibility to contribute to a new education in whichever way possible. If social media is all we have, let's find educational ways to use it. 

The world could change in a day if most of the population had the courage to put their foot down and say enough is enough. 

Personal vision and experience.

Personally I put my foot down as soon as I learned of the idiotic ways of patriarchy, which can be traced to my early years. I paid a heavy price then but it also came with amazing rewards which are now paying off. Regardless of all negative behaviour and the atrocities that one human being can commit against another, I still believe there's much hope for humanity, as I see goodness in all, or at least in the majority of people. Otherwise you wouldn't be reading this. Even those who lost their way can be brought back to a kinder and more loving reality.

In regards to relationships with women I've been given enough reasons to hate them all, but I neither hold this feeling for the whole, nor for one in particular. Do I need to report and denounce every mistreatment I've received from the 'opposite' gender? Clearly not. It is my choice to remain loyal to who I am and live with my heart, as well as to choose the energy I project to the world. Instead I'm striving and thriving doing what I can within my possibilities to create a better world. What others did to me, they also did to themselves. However negative or damaging some experiences were, I've also experienced much goodness and love; an incredible abundance of love. How to lead my life it's up to me. We can only lead by example, so as to see others becoming the wonderful representation of the human being they really are, and the true leader that everyone holds within. The only way we can improve the world, as well as the relationships with others is by improving ourselves, and creating that change within. Once this is a reality, the world also changes. There is always that thing called love if one has the courage.

Related articles:

All men are the same

Blame culture: why men are not fully growing